


Pent Up Proclamations

by sweeterthankarma



Category: New Amsterdam (TV 2018)
Genre: (Possibly) Unrequited Crush, F/F, S1E6: Anthropocene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 21:36:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18126794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeterthankarma/pseuds/sweeterthankarma
Summary: "How do you feel about that?” Helen asks Lauren as they stand outside the entrance to the intensive care unit. She’s referring to Floyd’s latest, allegedly “gushy” apology to her after a recent fight, and Helen can’t help but notice that she’s speaking to her like she’s a patient. She feels like she’s channeling Iggy, asking about Lauren’s feelings and emotions and rationalizations, but in her defense, it’s the best way she knows how to communicate.





	Pent Up Proclamations

**Author's Note:**

> Started watching New Amsterdam solely for Freema and found myself getting attached to every single character and actor in the show. While I love the Helen & Max pairing— and the potential ot3 that could be Helen & Max & Georgia!— this scene with Helen and Lauren made me ship them, as I felt like there was so much tension waiting to be explored. The way Helen chuckled at Lauren's invite...as soon as I saw how flustered she was, I knew I was going to end up coming back to that scene to write it sooner or later.

    “How do you feel about that?” Helen asks Lauren as they stand outside the entrance to the intensive care unit. She’s referring to Floyd’s latest, allegedly “gushy” apology to her after a recent fight, and Helen can’t help but notice that she’s speaking to her like she’s a patient. She feels like she’s channeling Iggy, asking about Lauren’s feelings and emotions and rationalizations, but in her defense, it’s the best way she knows how to communicate. 

Helen doesn’t know how else to act, though, not really. It’s been a while since she’s been involved in gossip like this, and while it’s remarkably tame compared to what her friends used to involve her in, it’s still tricky ground to cover when it’s about men that she’s both friends  _ and  _ coworkers with. It’s even trickier when it relates to Lauren, someone Helen finds herself inexplicably drawn to. 

The thing is, they’ve been friends for years now. They’re maybe even best friends, and while she’s sure Lauren doesn’t have the slightest clue, Helen remembers watching her across the room at a general meeting, years ago, feeling a flutter in her stomach that was so strong it was almost unfamiliar. She hadn’t felt anything like that in years, not since she was out of college, and even now, Helen isn’t sure anyone else has ever even made her feel half of that. When Lauren stood up, introduced herself, and declared everything she wanted to do and bring to the table at New Amsterdam, Helen had been impressed. 

The fact that “impressed” had transformed to “fixated” is something Helen will never admit to her— hell, she doesn’t even want to face it herself. She’d be wasting her own energy if she really did, because nothing like that would ever happen between them. 

(Especially not with Floyd Reynolds in the picture.)

Lauren must notice Helen’s formality because she cracks a smile. 

    “I don’t know,” she replies, answering her question. “It was definitely easier to get over him when he was being a dick.”

Helen chuckles at that, gives her an affirmative nod and dips her head. She doesn’t respond with what she wants to say, one of the many offerings lining up on the tip of her tongue that have waited there for years and will continue to wait. 

_ Well, that’s men for you...however, I’ve found that women tend to be much more benevolent.  _

_ It’s much easier to get over someone when you’re underneath someone else.  _

_ Have you ever tried dating girls? They’re much less stressful. _

_ If you ever need someone to help you get over him, you know where to find me. _

Helen moves for the door.

    “Hey, you gonna come tonight?” Lauren asks, referring to the fundraising gala.

    “Um, I don’t know, we’ll see,” Helen says fast. The words leave her mouth before she even has time to decide what to say, but she’s reeling, her mind over-correcting for the inappropriate ramblings she tries so hard to shut off. Though she likes the idea of spending time with Lauren, especially when they’re both not in scrubs, she catches herself wondering what the other woman would look like in gala attire and she remembers that it’s probably a good thing she responded the way she did.

    “Come,” Lauren insists as Helen grips the door handle. “You deserve to have some fun.”

Helen rolls her eyes instinctually—  _ fun  _ hasn’t been a major part of her life recently and they both know this— and she heads inside with an awkward chuckle. She’s blushing and she knows it, and she fights the urge to look back outside the window and see if Lauren’s smiling too as she walks away. Helen stills herself as she stands beside Vijay, greeting the patients, and if the man notices the color in her cheeks, he doesn’t give her any indication of it. He’s not the kind of person to really announce it, anyways, so Helen relaxes a little bit. 

_ (Nobody’s onto you,  _ she tells herself.  _ And even if they were, you’d be fine. You’re nothing if not tolerant of humility  _ and  _ disappointment. Oftentimes even both at once!) _

She gets swept up with work easily, but eventually she finds a moment of free time to check her phone. She’d felt it buzz in her pocket half an hour ago, and she feels like a stupid teenager with a crush when she sees two texts from Lauren. She bites down her smirk; she’d hoped it was her.

    “Come tonight!” Lauren had sent, along with an oversized grinning emoji that took up enough space to deserve its own message. 

Helen hears Vijay call her name and she shoves her phone back into her jacket. As she follows him, she wonders if the gala might be the perfect chance to let some of those pent up proclamations slip out of her mouth.

Even if it is, she doubts she’ll take the chance. Still, she likes to fantasize, to imagine what she’d say and do if she was a little more drunk, a little less rigid, and a lot more brave. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, please let me know by leaving kudos or comments! You can find me on Tumblr under the same username, sweeterthankarma, where I'm always down to talk about my favorite ships and shows.


End file.
